I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
