I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
