suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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