Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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