At least make sure they are 18
Why
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
