Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
