she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
