dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
