His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
