so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
