Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
