a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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