When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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