The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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