my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize