upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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