Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
is it fun? or sober?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
