wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
