if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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