Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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