This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
