Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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