but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
