im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
