Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
My life is pants optional.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
