Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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