if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
