You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
