Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Im part way to drunk.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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