I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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