he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize