Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
