Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
