It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
