Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
