hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
