Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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