I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Can Purell be used as lube?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
