I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
