You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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