How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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