1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
fuck your aforementioned shoe
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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