Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
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The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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