True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
This couple is walking their pig around campus
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
