Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
My penis needs a shock collar
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize