Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
