hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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