Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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