My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
