I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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