dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
