you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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