You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
