dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize