I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
