I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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