apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
