Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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