he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
