john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
