Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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