When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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