marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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