All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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