go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
