i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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