A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
