dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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