He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
