Non-Jews are for practice
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
