He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
