made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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