This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
