tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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