Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
