Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
